August
“Languishing is not really wasting our time, I guess. I think that with all the stress that we put our bodies through, it needs to be emptied and just breath and move without any direction. So when it’s ready to go to war again, it’s ready.”
So how was your August, guys?
Mine was pretty much exciting with languishing in between. I am not really making any sense at all but if you must know, I did finish a lot of books compared to the previous months, reignited my passion for drawing, started a new short novel, and enrolled myself in several online courses (sounds impressive right ? Hahahahha) this August. However, I am kind of failing with writing my short novel and with my courses. I know right? It’s not that I am disinterested or lost my passion along the way as we are struggling with this pandemic. But I am languishing, like my body and mind refused to absorb or react to any more stimuli. Not that I am not doing anything to address it because I do. There are even days wherein I just don’t want to do anything, even accomplishing my work deliverables. And I know that this is not okay because the company is trusting me to do my part in exchange for my salary.
And hey, did I tell you that this sense of languishing got worse when I got exposed to a COVID-19 patient just two weeks ago and I was forced to Work from Home? I did not feel depressed or worried that my pay would be slashed in half but rather resigned that this is what’s happening in the world right now. And I’d rather live in the moment because who knows what would happen tomorrow? I’ve done several reflections over the course of my WFH period and thought about stuff such as should I really be serious about this?…what if the world will end tomorrow and the last thing that I did was some boring stuff (like responding a yes to an e-mail) that didn’t spark joy? should I think about my purpose in a long-awaited future? what if this is the purpose that God has set me to do? to languish…or maybe not…or perhaps to savor the tiny moments slowly so when my earthly body says its farewell, the memories that would come flooding are more of the good ones than the bad ?
Just like you, I don’t have the answers but I’m trying best to look for it right now… in the tiny moments…in the slowness of what my life has become… in the uncertainties and surprises that come my way… in the things that spontaneously excites me…in the people that I meet… in the books that I read…in the food that I eat… and even the online classes that I’m taking. If you think about it, it’s kind of maddening but one of the few wonderful things that this pandemic has taught me, is to appreciate every single thing, every emotion, every moment, every breath that we take no matter how maddening it is.
And just so you know, I am reading Brandon Sanderson’s Alcatraz and the Evil Librarians as I am writing this. And I am even contemplating about taking a break from reading and go watch Money Heist for the first time. But of course, I shouldn’t do that because I still have online classes like The Science of Happiness and the Learning the Basics of Python 101. I know it has snowballed into a mess of a mess but that’s probably life.
Anyway, let’s say good night for now. And let’s all look forward to a much brighter September. 😀